Interracial dating

I am often asked why I like to date Asians... and this question frustrates me. I often wonder whether this question is a test to see if I have some limited view that Asians are "smooth bottomless boys." I always say, "Well, I didn't sit down one day and decide who I like." So no, my attraction is not based solely on sex qualities.

I know what I'm attracted to but why is it such a problem for other people to understand?Well, it's cause it's unexpected and it's not the norm. Actually, I usually throw the interracial dating question back in someone's face by asking, "Why do you like who you like?" People just accept the fact that Whites like Whites and Asians like Asians. To me, it seems that in either case it's a matter of conditioning. We are brought up and spend time with certain groups and as a result we grow to like those groups. Well, since junior high school I've had many Asian friends. I must say, I was attracted to my female friends from the start.

But here's another side of the story, one that is difficult to explain without offending people. I think that interracial dating is about power. I mean, White people are generally still priviledged in Canadian society and therefore I benefit from this power. Now, believe me, I am totally about equality and I'm not suggesting that I date Asian guys because I think they're lower than me or even that I feel inadequate about dating other White guys.

There is something to be said though about the ratio of Asians and Whites who are attracted to the different group. I mean, I have power because there are far more Asians who like White guys than the other way around. I've known this for a long time and I think it is fair to say that certain power comes from this. But of course with great power comes great responsibility. Hehe... and to this statement I mean that I don't take advantage of my situation. I date just like anyone else would... I date to meet people and I treat the other person as an equal and consenting adult.

Okay, so hopefully I haven't offended anyone so far.

And I'd just like to add, why the racial view anyway? I mean, if I have children I don't want them to be called "mixed." They are my children, human beings... not "mixed!" Anyhoo, I guess my next campaign should be about educating the public on the sprectrum of race.

Recently I had the opportunity to "date" someone who does not share my nationality, his name is Torsten. I knew it would be difficult to date someone of a different nationality, but I never thought that it would be such a great problem. I have always enjoyed being Canadian but I never thought about how people of other nationalities see the world.

Well, I don't know how Torsten viewed Canada, but I've realized again the power that I have. As a Canadian I am one of the wealthiest people in the world who enjoys great social liberties and rights. Until you are touched by someone from another part of the world or visit abroad I don't think you realize this.

I've never wanted to leave Canada; I love this country. But Torsten, being from China really wanted a new life, something different... change. I never thought about what he wanted because I always assumed that everyone in this world could carve out the life that he/she wants. I guess I now realize that that isn't possible for everyone.

Through this experience with Torsten, I have realized how important it is to me that I find someone who is able to be with me and work towards the things we want. I am sorry to have lost what I had with him.

Always learning, always growing, always on a quest.

Who do we keep in touch with?

In my quest for understanding I have now considered who we keep in touch with. I started thinking about this on Sunday while waiting for the bus back to Waterloo. I lined up and a fellow lined up behind me. He started making small talk, and quite frankly I wasn't in the mood, but I was polite of course. I must point out, I know this fellow from first year of university but we never became friends. In our few minutes together we reintroduced ourselves and acknowledged that we recognized each other from frosh week. We ended up on separate buses but he did give me his email address much to my surprise.

So I got thinking about who I have stayed in touch with from first year of uni and who I'll stay in touch with now that I'm graduating. I once told a friend that I think I have too many friends. Hehe, I don't mean that in an arrogant way of course, but I am socially inclined and I love meeting new people. I started to realize though that you can't keep a close friendship with many people and then I became aware of the spheres of friendship that surround me.

So taking the psychological perspective (I know, big nerd! lol), I am in a central circle and my future partner will overlap with me. Beyond this core there is room for a handful of really close friends, i.e. best friends, maybe three in total. Beyond this sphere are close friends and there are many of these, maybe 10. The next sphere contains friends and there are maybe 100 people here. Next are the aquaintences, numbering in the hundreds. Finally, the last sphere is all of the people I have yet to meet and there are 1000's.  

Point is this, I have limited resources (time, emotion, energy, etc.) to devote to pursuing friendship. For this reason, I think it is only possible to maintain so many people in each of the spheres and the self is most important of course.

To me it's become inevitable that I will lose touch with people I meet, even the ones I like.

It's also interesting to consider people who come and go from our lives and why they do it when they do. It's really painful when people choose to leave. I've had it happen a few times in the past few years. I can't say that it has become any easier.

All my friends offer me something (and hopefully I offer you something too), so stick around. Okay?! ;) 

Disruption!

Oops... did I do that? Did you do that? What just happened?

Is the world still spinning round? A little disorder is good, but this?

Let's not wait til the water runs dry... act now.

This ain't exactly poetry, but I'm heading in that direction here...

A series of slaps

Did the shit hit the fan or something? Lol. Pardon the abusive tone, but I feel like I've been slapped around over the last day. I gotta start by saying, slaps aren't always bad.

So last night I thought I could have a good sleep and boot my cold. It turns out my plan didn't work out so marvellously. I'm not complaining about my cold (I happen to be doing better today). As for the good sleep... well... Johnny's active little mind wouldn't let him sleep. Whether it was the neighbour partying til 4am or getting up fairly late in the date or some other small influences that contributed to my sleepless night, I know that it was my ability to over-analyze that kept me awake. It was after a most-stimulating conversation with Carsey (my PhD. friend from Harvard) that I felt thrust to a crossroad. Ugh, quiero decir mas, pero no es posible... Point is, I was up til 5am and really did not sleep well after that.

So I call this over-analysis a self-slap. Hehe.

Now, a slap back to the simply positive side of my life... Today I woke up and notificed an email that I have received the Co-op Work Term Report Award for Fall 2004. Certainly not the most prestigious award at the University of Waterloo, but I will be getting a bursary, photo with the Dean of Geography and a certificate. I was so happy cause I've honestly worked so hard to develop my writing abilities over my university days.

My third slap of the day occurred in the afternoon. I was reminded that friends are great! Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate each and every one of my friends in a special way but when I think about my slap this afternoon I realize how truly great some of my friends are. I'm referring to Hardy Har (notice the nickname, see previous entry) who came all the way from Toronto to Waterloo just to visit for the afternoon. So giving, so kind, so much fun... what a great guy! =)

On the way back to Toronto I was hit by slap number four. This time, while checking my voicemail I found out that I was NOT selected for testing/interviews for the Ontario Internship Program. Not that I expected a position, but I was quite self-assured that my application would at least earn me an interview. Nonetheless, I am able to find out the reasons as to why my application didn't carry me through to the testing/interview stage and believe me, I will! =)

So now the implications of my future. This year, this week in fact, has been a real turning point for my future. As I mentioned in my first entry, I handed in my intent to graduate form this week. But now, with both the Ministry of the Environment job and the Internship application falling through, I have no concrete plans for the next year except going to Europe in April for two months. =)

The good news is that it is now easier to plan my trip dates in terms of flights. The situation is good also because I truly want the coming year to be one of internal and external self-discovery. I think my visit to Europe will help me get started with both... but where will I go from there? I have a few options in mind right now.

1. Work part-time in Toronto and take courses at Ryerson/UT, potentially in Mandarin, French and Poli Sci.  

2. Look further into other internships such as one in Costa Rica that I've been reading about.

3. Move to Vancouver, start working and grad school hunting for a year.

I've noticed that I always ask for comments in my entries. This time around I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions or any offers for the next year??? ;) :)

So my doors are open. I suppose we all need a good slap every once in a while.